Big Brother Australia Premiere 2008 – LIVE BLOGGING!

Well it’s 15 minutes till the first Big Brother episode for 2008.

I have been a Big Brother fan since the very first season, but over the years is has gotten worse and worse. Last year was almost the end of the road. Boring, similar and dumb housemates made for a crap 5 months of TV.

So Gretel is gone, FuckHead Kyle and bitchface Jackie-O have taken over. Will that make it any better? Noooo, but maybe a different range of interesting house-mates will.

Check out the housemates at Behind Big Brother Australia (BBBA) or the Official Website

=———————=

7:00 – It’s started. Same theme tune. Same auditorium. Oh look. It’s Kyle and Jackie-O. I think it sounds like they’re hosting a radio show….blah…

First night EVICTION. I already read about that.

God Kyle is such a wank. I hate even LOOKING at him…

7:02 – Time to watch the audition tapes of people who didn’t make it. Nudity Already! A moustached woman. Country Bogans on Bikes.

7:03 – There’s Neil from Centrebet now…talking about the odds? What the hell? Have they struck a deal with a gambling agency?

First sneak-peek at the housemates. In their little black boxes. They don’t look too special yet…..There’s the nana. There’s the midget.

7:05 – Looking through the outdoor of the house. There’s a Kombi. Cool. There’s a hot-tub and pool. They are TINY. There’s an outdoor dunny. There’s fake animals. Funky colours. Can’t see inside. Bah…

7:06 – First ad break.

7:09 – We’re back. There’s a momento cabinet. Each housemate has to put a loved item in there. maybe they get it back. Maybe they don’t

7:10 – 1st Housemate – Terri

She’s 52 and from NSW
She’s a Nanna.
She likes Pauline Hanson.
She was a single mother for a long period. (better than 2 pissweak ones apparently)
A Retail Worker.
She says she’s not cranky. Bugger.
Strong opinions.
She’s got a doll as her loved item that her Grandfather found on a beach.
Her grandson is there as well as her daughter. (The crowd awwwwws)

…

7:15 – 2nd Housemate – Saxon

He’s 22 from SA
He believes in UFO’s and Aliens and Loch Ness Monster.
He goes to look for one every Saturday
He LOOKS like a Space Cadet.
He works for the council.
He has bad tattoos (one says Roswell)
What a dork.
His monento for the cabinet is a gold chain. (got it from his parent)
He looks like a total wank. KICK HIM OUT

…

7:18 – We cross to Terri looking around the house. She’s wandering around. Checking out the BBQ and the kitchen. Kyle wants to see her sunbaking. Onya mate.

Kyle announces that someone will be evicted tonight. Yeah yeah…I knew that.

7:19 – Ad Break.

7:22 – We’re back live into the opening of the house. Jackie-O is talking to Saxon. Gee’s, could they have found anyone more dopey?

Saxon meets Terri. Interesting match these 2. Saxons wants to get on the Champers already. He has a really bad rats tails. Terri shows off her muscles. Wow..these 2 are a perfect match.

Shuddup Kyle. (“Give em one week”)

7:25 – Jackie-O takes us inside the house. New diary room. Switchable glass. It will highlight tempations behind it. NO Kitchen this year. All food is delivered via a conveyor belt. What the hell?

There’s a ‘cold, sterile’ bathroom. Each housemate gets a locker with a false back. Items can be taken out of it by BB.

ONE GIANT BED. All of the Housemates in one bed. WTF? That’s crazy. It could be interesting to see how long that lasts.

7:27 – 3rd Housemate – Bianca

She’s the youngest housemate, only 18.
She’s from QLD.
Italian Princess
Big Boobs
Doesn’t drink much.
Reads books.
She’s totally up herself saying that she turns heads. Whatever.
She is ‘mumsy’.
Is a self-proclaimed tool and dances around Pool tables
She says that she won’t sunbake cause there’s too many creepy old blokes like Kyle out there.
Her momento is a dog collar because she couldn’t bring her dog. Boring.

7:30 – Back to the house as Terri and Saxon discuss the unknown.

Bianca enters. Her tits are HUGE. Saxon can’t help staring.

7:31 – More HUGE surprises later in the show apparently. Another ad break

7:35 – Back to the house. Terri and Saxon check out the Kombi. Saxon says it’s a ‘Make-Out Van’

7:36 – 4th Housemate – Nobbi

He’s 21 from Victoria and commerce Student. Wants to be an agent.
He is Asian and puts on the accent at first. Ha. Not really. That was funny.
He boxes and plays poker.
He’s into the mathematical side of Poker. Loser.
His worried about keeping up his daily facial routine. Wank…
Kyle says he has tickets on himself and asks if he is.
He has a security blanket and Kyle asks if he is in love with it. (dickhead)
Nobby sleeps with the towel. What the?
He is scared of girls

….

7:39 – Nobbi enters the house. Great name. Kisses all round. Kyle calls him the ‘Karate Kid’. Ha.

7:40 – 5th Housemate -Brigitte

She’s 20 and from ACT. Holy crap! Canberra! First time EVA!
Paris Wannabe. Crikey. She’s very blonde.
She’s shy around people so they thinks she’s snobby.
She says guys are different to girls. Duh.
She has hair extensions and does girly pretty stuff. Uh oh.
Kyle is being a dirty prick
She has a gold necklace that is her momento from her mum.
That’s the young poon tang out of the way…

..

…

7:43 – Ad break AGAIN….

7:48 – Big Brother’s voice is new I think. And you can’t call him mate. Ha!

Brigitte enters the house. Saxon has a dirty look on his face. Terri asks if she could have had a shorter dress. Brigitte is supposed to start Uni in July…ha….I doubt it.

7:50 – 6th Housemate – Alice

She’s 24 and from Victoria
She’s a vet and gets messy as she sticks her hand up a cows butt.
Has a cute face.
She’s introduced as Doctor Alice.
Jackie-O thinks it’d be exciting to stick hands up a cows butt every night.
She’s single and is looking for anything…
Seems nice enough, but a bir boring…

..

..

7:53 – 7th Housemate – Travis

20 from NSW.
What is with the fucking VOICE?
He’s skinny as. A stick-insect.
He has to be gay. He works out but he has no muscles.
He’s a marketing co-ordinator. WITH THAT VOICE??
He has a coyote mug.
SAYS he’s not gay. (Yeah right)
He wants to be who he wants to be. Yeah yeah…whatever.
Kyle’s asking about the voice. It’s totally wrong.
He’s brought the bible as a momento. Oh dear.
…

7:57 – The odds man is up. 6.00 for Alice and 7.50 for Travis. Terri has long odds at 14.0, but Saxon is longer at 26 bucks. Brigitte is the longest at 51/1. Ha. That is ridiculous.

Kyle says, “In my mind, Brigitte’s on top”. Dirty fuck.

7:58 – More Ads.

Well, so far I think Nobbi is the best. I don’t really like any of them much. Terri will be entertaining as the token oldie. I think she’ll last quite a while unless she get’s TOO opinionated. I don’t know what is with Travis. Just strange.

Bring on the midget

8:03 – Alice and Travis are about to enter. Travis is a freak. Sorry, but there’s something wrong with your voicebox dude. At least admit it.

They get frisked by the guards and in they go. Travis does a stupid dance. They all meet. Travis is defending his voice already.

Terri asks why he didn’t ask Kyle if that was he ‘real’ fat gut. Ha!

8:06 – 8th Housemate -Rory

He’s 21 from Victoria
He’s a bogan.
He’s a brickie.
He wants to travel around Australia pub by pub.
From the slums in Geelong.
Has a dog called Stubbie.
He’s got a little box thing as a momento.
He’s pumped and has a shit hair-cut.

…

….

8:08 – Rory meets everyone in the house and declares he’ll forget everyone’s name.

8:10 – 9th Housemate – Renee

22 and from New South Wales.
Chihuahua on Speed.
Loves her footy.
Hates dishonest people
Talks fast (boganish) and is short as.
She works in an abattoir.
Hates princesses (Ha…too bad. I think she’ll be out-numbered)
Has brought a blanket as a momento. “I’m a practical person”

…,

…

8:13 – Ad break

I dunno. It’s hard to get excited about any of them yet. I like that they have a tomboy girl in there. Renee should balance out the princesses a bit. Maybe. Or she’ll be converted. Ha. Rory seems like a wank. I bet he’ll try it on with Brigitte before too long…

8:17 – Footage of Kyle’s time in the house last year. What a fuck-knuckle

Renee enters the house and says ‘Hey’ to everyone. Next housemate!

8:18 – 10th Housemate – Rima

She’s 25 and from Victoria
It’s the midget! Her and her brother are both ‘shrunk’
Her voice matches up with Travis. Squeaky!
She’s married.
She belly dances.
She is 1 metre tall. Bloody Hell.
She swears, and declares she has a potty mouth.
First BEEP of the night.
The husband comes out and meets everyone.
I wonder where she gets her clothes.
Only married Housemate this year, Kyle declares.

8:22 – We cross to the house and Rory and Brigitte appear to be pretending to moon the new housemates. BB tells them to pull up their pants.

Rima enters and everyone looks dumb-struck. Rory has walked away already. She’s obviously not hot enough. Everyone else is nice enough.

8:24 – We cross to Mike Goldman and Bree. They are in the games arena. Fryzie is in some sort of stupid outfit. They are promoting Friday Night Live games already. It’ll be like Gladiators, but…NOT…

Terri tells Rima that the toilet is probably too tall for Rima. Hahaha. “They’ll probably give you a step”.

Lordy.

AD BREAK

Terri is going to be funny. She’s already come out with the best lines so far tonight. There should be more older people in it!

8:29 – KFC are sponsors again. They have even sponsored the Diaries this year. Maybe they’ll have Wicked Wings on the conveyor belt.

8:30 – 11th Housemate – Ben

19 and from WA
Dux at school, Dux at Uni, Dick. Whatever mate.
Proclaims how smart he is and what his UAI is.
He’s a geek.
He doesn’t like slow walkers.
Seems totally up himself.
Studying law and thinks he’s SMRT.
He’s brought a photo with him and a dog as a momento.
…
…

8:34 – He meets everyone in the house. Yeah. He’s dull as dogshit. EVICT HIM!

8:35 – 12th Housemate – Dixie

She’s 21.
First aboriginal person in the house
Her car is her fiance
Cries when she hears the national anthem.
Seems nice. Is very emotional.
Almost cries when she walks on stage.
Was going to move to Sydney but ended up in Dubbo.
Never had a relationship apparently. (loses interest in boys)
Works as a Mental Health Worker (will probably come in handy)
Brought a beanie that was made by her Grandmother …..

8:37 – It is revealed that Dixie knows Renee from her home town. They try and build the tension by wondering if they like each other or not. Ha.

Dixie enters the compound (they still can’t go in the house). Dixie and Renne hug straight away. Well there goes that tension. She meets everyone else. I think I like Alice and Dixie best so far. All the guys pretty much suck so far.

8:38 – Ad break

8:42 – 13th Housemate – Rebecca

22 and from WA.
She’s a Personal Trainer and a skimpy barmaid.
Doesn’t like fake people.
Says that her has to use her body to sell her personal training (ha…and what else?)
..

..

..

…

…

8:45 – 14th Housemate – David

32 and from NSW (finally someone else over 30)
Was in a cult and escaped twice
Was married for 2 years.
Was a cop and is now a fireman
Seems like a decent bloke.
His parents don’t watch TV and won’t be watching him.
He has brought in a Canberra Raiders Jersey. Uh oh.
…

…

…

8:54 – Rebecca and David are about to head into the house. The last few housemates were rushed through and WordPress screwed up so I missed a lot of the last 2 housemates.

Nobbi and Renee are swinging on a swing. She sounds so bogan.

Rebecca and David walk in and meet people. Rory is of course interested in Rebecca. Travis hugs everyone instead of the handshake.

That’s all the housemates in. They go to the Centrebet guy again. He puts Rory at 26 dollars and Renee at dollars. Ben has short odds of 9.50. Rebecca sits on 17 bucks and so ar David is the shortest odds at 8 dollars. yeah yeah…Whatever.

Back to the house. BB is talking (definitely a new BB). He is telling them they cannot go into the house yet. He’s about to tell them that someone is going to be evicted early. The housemates have to decide who will be evicted at sunrise tomorrow. They have to decide amongst themselves.

The house will be closed until the first evictee is selected in the morning. He announces that it is the first of several snap evictions. Ha. Cool. They will have to stay outside tonight. Guess the Kombi could get full!

The housemates are discussing how they will decide who goes. No-one volunteers to leave. Ha. Funny that.

Next week, the top 3 voted online housemates will be put into the house (somehow).

Jackie-O mentions the words ‘Under the Radar’ for the first time. (yawn)

And that’s it. 9.03 and the first show is done. On time! Unbelievable!

The housemates continue to talk about how to decide who’s going. Rory says that everyone should talk to each other and try to work it out. Duh!

…….

So that’s it. The first episode and my first attempt at live blogging. WordPress decided not to save stuff at one stage. That was fun, and I found myself typing too much and not actually watching what was going on!

I think they’ve attempted to have a more diverse range of HM’s this year, which is good. Apparently a few ideas have been taken from the UK Big Brother who have a lot of different people instead of the bland lamo’s we had last year.

I like that they are making them evict someone straight away. The key is to keep them on their toes. Keep it exciting for US. I don’t care if the HM’s are happy or not!

Anyway…that’s it. I’m tired of typing now 🙂

Bang, Bang, You’re Fucked.

It’s been a while since I have been anticipating a new Aussie drama on TV.

To be honest, I watch very little TV.

I became bored with the CSI’s and Law n’ Orders such a long time ago and the number of regular shows I watch could be counted on one hand.

But Channel Nine’s new show, Underbelly looks bloody awesome.

Why?

Because it’s AUSSIE, and it doesn’t LOOK Aussie.

The last good Aussie show I watched was Last Man Standing, produced and written by our (and Triple J’s) very own Marieke Hardy, (aka Ms Fits from RYWHM). It was a show that was written well and felt real, unlike so many forced Aussie dramas that have come and gone. Unfortunately it lasted a whole one season, which still grinds my gears.

But back to Underbelly. How about the build-up to this show?

Firstly, the Victorian Supreme Court has decided it has to watch all 14 hours of the show to determine whether or not it can be shown at all, or just not in Victoria as the content is based on the real life mob and gangland war in Melbourne.

Then the Australian Family Association (AFA) has come out and said that it’s too graphic and that Nine should not show it at 8.30pm.

Nine will be rubbing their hands at the publicity for their first episode that is to be shown tomorrow night as a 2 hour special. Poor old House on Ch. 10 could be the loser of the night!

Seen the cast?

• Vince Colosimo
• Rodger Corser
• Martin Sacks
• Simon Westaway
• Marcus Graham
• Alex Dimitriades

Not bad I reckon.
I haven’t been this keen for a new Aussie show since The Secret Life of Us, or maybe Good News Week Nite Lite.

UPDATE: The Supreme Court has ordered that the series not be shown on Victorian TV indefinitely.

HA! Too bad Mexicans!

The Chaser Popularity Quotient (CPQ)

…or CPQ as I like to call it.

2 years ago, the Chaser were on TV (with the less popular CNNNN) , and were also on JJJ every afternoon, so I figure their CPQ was probably around 3 or 4.

That song Andrew sang last night? He sang the same one on air on JJJ, but with some different words back then. (Stan, Brocky, and Irwin weren’t dead yet)

Any complaints? Probably not many. Unless a granny accidently mis-tuned in their radio.

Fast forward 2 years and they have one of the most popular shows on TV with a CPQ of around 20.
Andrew sings his song on TV last night.

This happens.

Get over it people. It’s satire. It’s comedy, and seriously…some of the lyrics were probably just honest.

And just because they’re more popular, they get hammered by the media about it who hates that they are getting good ratings for their juvenile, satirical, cut to the chase comedy.

Bring it on boys….just stay out of jail!

Mulder sluts up the screen

There’s usually at least one show a year that comes out of the US that pushes the boundaries. (Sex and the City, Deadwood, Weeds to name a few)

Usually something that includes lots of swearing, sex, drugs and debauchery that you voyeuristically watch it to get your dose of jollies.

This year, it is Californication. The new raunchy comedy on Channel 10. It is really fucking good. Duchovny belongs on TV. His movie forays have been pretty lame.

He gets to be a rough, slovenly, sexy in a just-got-out-of-bed-and-put-my-underwear-on-backwards sort of way. I think he was made for this role. He plays it a little too well. What’s he been doing with his X-Files income over the last 5 years?

So, he’s a writer. He’s lost his muse. He pines for his ex. He’s trying to raise his 13 yr old daughter together with his ex, who is going out with a straight boring rich guy.

He manages to pick up every girl that he looks at, but they are all screwed up in that great LA way. (in the pilot show he ends up having sex with a 16 yr old who has a penchant for punching during sex and ends up being the daughter of his ex’s new fiancee) See! It’s fucked up!

Another good thing is that we are seeing it just a week after the US (streamed my arse), and it’s quick enough that there’s no spoilers or chance to hear about it.

So, if you feel like watching something smart, funny and sexy, check it out. It’s way better than most of the tripe on the tube

No..Noooo..It’s Saturday!

Look, I will be the first to admit, that when I was 10, I enjoyed “Hey, Hey It’s Saturday“. Daryl was and always is a tool, but it was entertaining TV, from your Dickie Knees to your Red Faces, to your Plucka Ducks, but seriously, Daryl, do you have to bring it back?

I don’t even watch Crapping with The Stars, but isn’t Daryl just the most cringe-worthy host ever on Australian TV? I remember the horrendous interviews he used to do on Hey Hey with the pretty good guests that the show used to attract.

But…to be fair, there were funny parts to Hey Hey. I mean, the band, for one. Wilbur, Red..and that Trumpet player dude.

Maybe I’m just getting too old and jaded but I just think it’d be better if something a bit more original could be considered.

Oh, my beloved ice-cream bar. How I love to lick your creamy centre.

After the shit of a week of have had.

And seeing as though I am at work on a Saturday and just want to go home to bed.

I decided to buy myself a little treat.

Something that would make me smile.

Something that I would not have to concentrate on.

Something like….

Yes. Ren and Stimpy! The first 2 seasons. The only seaons that mattered because the creator of the series, John Kricfalusi, then sold the rights to Nickelodean and was fired…from his own show. Dickheads.

It was never the same after that.

What a show.

Pure. Random. Stupidity.

Oh…and if you didn’t know, John K also did the animation for the great Tenacious D song, “Fuck Her Gently”.

Please. Enjoy.

and then…enjoy the old chestnut …. !

I don’t think you’re happy enough!

Give me the fucking spinach, Jeff!

Fuck I love this show. Gordon Ramsay is so damn harsh, but hey… like he says, you have to be tough to survive in a kitchen.

The best part about watching Hell’s Kitchen here in Australia is that there are no BEEP BEEP BEEP’s every 2 seconds. Gordon swears like a trooper and we hear it ALL. I love that.

On US TV everything is censored so much and they even blur out the mouth when someone swears (for all those lip-readers out there who might get offended. Give me a break) and some stations even blur out the middle finger, or the word ‘arse’ or ‘goddamn’.

Ok, so I’m pretty liberal when it comes to swearing. I have no problem with any word at all, even the one that rhymes with John Howard….oh..I mean ‘punt’.

It just adds a lot to the show to actually hear the words that come out of his mouth.

Examples of what Gordon Ramsay has said are:

“Throw it away then, you little fucker!”

“The problem with Yanks is they are wimps.“

“You’re mixing away like a fucking donkey”

“You’re like a hemorrhoid in my arsehole, You know that?”

“Do you always two time people Edwina? First you’re shagging a Prime Minister, and now you’re shagging me up the arse from behind”

“So, Why don’t you Fuck Off!” and “Finally your head’s coming out of your arsehole” – Talking to customers that have come up to find out where his food is.

“You’re useless. You know that.”

Inspirational 🙂

Bogies…

How SHIT are the Logies?

So cheesy, dodgy, long, boring and cringeworthy.

Why don’t they just leave the most ‘Outstanding’ awards on the show and ditch all the ‘Popular’ ones. I mean, Home & Away just win it every year. Do we really care?

At least the most outstanding awards are industry voted.

Still waiting for the Chaser boys to do something exciting though… (pity they didn’t win)

And why, oh why was Steve Irwin given a Hall of Fame Logie? Isn’t that for people who have changed the Australian television industry? Giving a posthumous ‘Hall of Fame’ award less then a year after his death just shows how desperate they were for contenders I guess….

At least there always the Fuglies. I think they will grow to become the REAL Aussie TV awards. Love the Brown Carpet.

Ok. Bed now.