Category Archives: Randomness

Happy Happy Joy Joy?

In 2007, 16 Million Australians were surveyed on their current state of mind.

8.2 Million of them declared they were happy, and 2.8M of those were in a state of delight.

That’s a pretty impressive amount of people to be on cloud nine.

Only 448,000 people saw themselves as unhappy or miserable.

The most interesting part of this survey though was the cross-section of happy and unhappy people.

The most unhappy age bracket? 40-49 years old

The happiest states? Brisbane and Perth with 55.7% of people delighted or pleased with their life.

The unhappiest states? Melbourne with 3.1% of people miserable

Smokers? 44.3% were happy

Non-smokers? 53.2% were happy

If you were divorced, separated or widowed? 37.6% are happy

Single or Married? Both around 53% happy.

And if you exercise a lot? 64.5% of people were happy, compared to 48.4% of low exercisers.

So, I guess I need to move to Brisbane, get married (or single) and exercise a lot!

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Hamster = Yum!

Friday. Hot. I’m in shorts at work. I reckon that’s a first!

You may have seen this, but a bloke sent a complaint letter to Richard Branson about the food on a Virgin flight, which some have described as the best complaint ever:

Dear Mr Branson

REF: Mumbai to Heathrow 7th December 2008

I love the Virgin brand, I really do which is why I continue to use it despite a series of unfortunate incidents over the last few years. This latest incident takes the biscuit.

Ironically, by the end of the flight I would have gladly paid over a thousand rupees for a single biscuit following the culinary journey of hell I was subjected to at the hands of your corporation.

Look at this Richard. Just look at it: [see image 1].

I imagine the same questions are racing through your brilliant mind as were racing through mine on that fateful day. What is this? Why have I been given it? What have I done to deserve this? And, which one is the starter, which one is the desert?

You don’t get to a position like yours Richard with anything less than a generous sprinkling of observational power so I KNOW you will have spotted the tomato next to the two yellow shafts of sponge on the left. Yes, it’s next to the sponge shaft without the green paste. That’s got to be the clue hasn’t it. No sane person would serve a desert with a tomato would they. Well answer me this Richard, what sort of animal would serve a desert with peas in: [see image 2].

I know it looks like a baaji but it’s in custard Richard, custard. It must be the pudding. Well you’ll be fascinated to hear that it wasn’t custard. It was a sour gel with a clear oil on top. It’s only redeeming feature was that it managed to be so alien to my palette that it took away the taste of the curry emanating from our miscellaneous central cuboid of beige matter. Perhaps the meal on the left might be the desert after all.

Anyway, this is all irrelevant at the moment. I was raised strictly but neatly by my parents and if they knew I had started desert before the main course, a sponge shaft would be the least of my worries. So lets peel back the tin-foil on the main dish and see what’s on offer.

I’ll try and explain how this felt. Imagine being a twelve year old boy Richard. Now imagine it’s Christmas morning and you’re sat their with your final present to open. It’s a big one, and you know what it is. It’s that Goodmans stereo you picked out the catalogue and wrote to Santa about.

Only you open the present and it’s not in there. It’s your hamster Richard. It’s your hamster in the box and it’s not breathing. That’s how I felt when I peeled back the foil and saw this: [see image 3].

Now I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking it’s more of that Baaji custard. I admit I thought the same too, but no. It’s mustard Richard. MUSTARD. More mustard than any man could consume in a month. On the left we have a piece of broccoli and some peppers in a brown glue-like oil and on the right the chef had prepared some mashed potato. The potato masher had obviously broken and so it was decided the next best thing would be to pass the potatoes through the digestive tract of a bird.

Once it was regurgitated it was clearly then blended and mixed with a bit of mustard. Everybody likes a bit of mustard Richard.

By now I was actually starting to feel a little hypoglycaemic. I needed a sugar hit. Luckily there was a small cookie provided. It had caught my eye earlier due to it’s baffling presentation: [see image 4].

It appears to be in an evidence bag from the scene of a crime. A CRIME AGAINST BLOODY COOKING. Either that or some sort of back-street underground cookie, purchased off a gun-toting maniac high on his own supply of yeast. You certainly wouldn’t want to be caught carrying one of these through customs. Imagine biting into a piece of brass Richard. That would be softer on the teeth than the specimen above.

I was exhausted. All I wanted to do was relax but obviously I had to sit with that mess in front of me for half an hour. I swear the sponge shafts moved at one point.

Once cleared, I decided to relax with a bit of your world-famous onboard entertainment. I switched it on: [see image 5].

I apologise for the quality of the photo, it’s just it was incredibly hard to capture Boris Johnson’s face through the flickering white lines running up and down the screen. Perhaps it would be better on another channel: [see image 6].

Is that Ray Liotta? A question I found myself asking over and over again throughout the gruelling half-hour I attempted to watch the film like this. After that I switched off. I’d had enough. I was the hungriest I’d been in my adult life and I had a splitting headache from squinting at a crackling screen.

My only option was to simply stare at the seat in front and wait for either food, or sleep. Neither came for an incredibly long time. But when it did it surpassed my wildest expectations: [see image 7].

Yes! It’s another crime-scene cookie. Only this time you dunk it in the white stuff.

Richard…. What is that white stuff? It looked like it was going to be yoghurt. It finally dawned on me what it was after staring at it. It was a mixture between the Baaji custard and the Mustard sauce. It reminded me of my first week at university. I had overheard that you could make a drink by mixing vodka and refreshers. I lied to my new friends and told them I’d done it loads of times. When I attempted to make the drink in a big bowl it formed a cheese Richard, a cheese. That cheese looked a lot like your baaji-mustard.

So that was that Richard. I didn’t eat a bloody thing. My only question is: How can you live like this? I can’t imagine what dinner round your house is like, it must be like something out of a nature documentary.

As I said at the start I love your brand, I really do. It’s just a shame such a simple thing could bring it crashing to it’s knees and begging for sustenance.

Yours Sincererly

XXXX

Now, that’s some funny shit. The photos look completely disgusting.

You’ve gotta love a funny complaint.

But then, to top it off, the complainant has been offered a job!

“Make no mistake, we take all complaints seriously and will try and learn from each one,” said Paul Charles, Virgin’s Director of Corporate Communications.

“Richard was absolutely right to call the guy who complained and chat it through with him. It was a witty letter and, while we may not agree with all of it, we’re not proud of ourselves if someone’s disappointed with something on board.”

“We look forward to welcoming the complaintant (sic) on a flight again soon and, in fact, we’ve invited him to come and help select the next range of meals and wines we serve on board so that he can add his personal touch on behalf of all of our customers,” said Mr Charles.

Enjoy your Friday!


4 The Love of a MeMe

Aly did it, and it’s been a while since I did one.

So here goes, It’s like a MeMe about stuff where you can only say 4 things.

I think people have given up on really inventing interesting MeMe’s any more 🙂

4 Things I did 10 years ago (1998):

1. Got Married. Crikey. That’s bloody scary. 10 years?
2. Had my first child. See a connection there?
3. Worked in my first IT job. They were called MicroHelp. Dumb company name or what?
4. Moved into a little ex-govvy house and learnt how to ‘play house’. I’m still learning.

4 Things I did 5 years ago (2003):

1. Owned my first home. (although bought it a couple of years previous)
2. Watched a little too much WWE Wrestling.
3. Quit working in the Public Service after 3 1/2 yrs and moved into a private IT company. (big mistake?)
4. Witnessed the dark dark day of January 13, when Canberra went up in smoke.

4 Things I did yesterday:

1. Took my sons to rugby training. It’s pretty funny watching him trying to do passing drills.
2. We made our own pizzas…. which my youngest then proceeded to pull all the green bits off of.
3. I watched Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade. Damn. That is a fun movie.
4. I had lunch with my sister. Well, actually watched her eat cause I’d already finished mine…

4 TV shows I love to watch:

1. The Simpsons/South Park/Family Guy/American Dad/Drawn Together
2. Rugby League/Cricket/Football (all types)
3. The Chaser (anyone wanna go to the Variety Hour with me?)
4. Gordon Ramsey. He is the fucking bullocks. As he would say…

4 Things I love to do:

1. Snuggle with my LaLa.
2. Play and spend time with my kids.
3. Drink/Play Pool/Watch Sport
4. Blog/Surf the nets/Play silly online puter games.

Well that took a good 20 minutes out of my work day. Score!

Really, 4 things are just not enough. Hence my slashes (/)!

Boi.


Midnight Mumblings

It’s just past midnight and the week is finally over.

It was a shitty week in general for me and for LaLa and it’s so nice that the weekend is finally here even though we have to wait another set of 7 before seeing each other.

A little of what’s been going on with me…

  • Big changes were afoot and then it all screeched to a halt, but I am still hopeful of the future….
  • Speaking of feet, my ingrown toenail was chopped out this morning. Fucking OUCH. But…about time.
  • Too many Hot Chips!
  • If I ever finish migrating Lotus Notes Archives, it will be a fucking miracle
  • Iron Man is a good movie. Robert Downey Jr. is the best actor not to have died from a drug overdose
  • Speaking of which, Heath Ledger will win a posthumous Oscar for his portrayal of The Joker.
  • I want to buy this MTD Bass Guitar after playing it last week at ‘The Bass People’ in Sydney (GREAT store!)

The Kingston Zephyr

  • For the first time in a long long time, I have no credit card debt or personal loans (just a bitching home loan. Gah!)
  • I have gone so shit in Footy Tipping the last 2 weeks, I have given up on placing my tips on my blog!
  • I forgot about The Panics tomorrow night (tonight even). Anyone going to see them at the ANU Bar?
  • I keep getting freaked out at the thought that I have now lived in Canberra for 20 years, and it’s been that long since I started High School. Farrrrk.

It’s now 12:12am. The Witching Hour is at hand. The Weekend is here.

Long may it last, for on Monday our souls die once more…


When Lightning and Lava Meet.

If you could look into my brain at the moment, it would probably look like this amazing photo

An electrical storm was generated by the ash and lava spewing out of the Chaiten Volcano in Chile at the moment.

When lightning and Lava meet, you want to be far far away.

Pretty amazing. This volcano has been dormant for maybe 1000’s of years and all of a sudden it just blows.

Makes you wonder why, and how and when it could happen….anywhere.

Oh…and my brain?

Confused, Frustrated, Angry, Disappointed and Upset…

*sigh*


Twitch..

I’ve got this muscle twitch on the inside of my elbow on my left arm.

*twitch*

It sometimes randomly twitches by itself

*twitch twitch*

Sometimes it even goes crazy and twitches non-stop for about a minute.

*twitch twitch twitch twitch twitch twitch twitch twitch*

It annoys the crap out of me. One time, I had this twitch in my right arm at the same time as I had my eyes dilated and was in a dark room in a laser eye surgery room.

I became so annoyed and focussed on the twitch that I think I had some sort of panic attack. My ears were ringing. I sweated profusely and my eyes became blurry.

That was the last time I’ve had one of those episodes, but I’ll never forget it.

Every time I get a twitch it’s the same thing. It stays for a day or so and then goes away, only to pop up somewhere else a week or so later.

I really wish I could just poke it out with a fork to stop it sometimes.

….

Does anyone else get this?

What’s it called in medical terms?


I Don’t Usually Watch Rove…

…but he was just interviewing Hugh Jackman and was asking him questions in 20 seconds.

As he was talking a big drool just dripped out of his lips and fell to his lap…

You could see him sucking up the spit in his mouth afterwards.

No-one noticed. Not even Hugh.

But I did.

Ha!

Rove was much better when he was on Channel 9 and had Dave Callen.

I had a tops weekend. I am bloody tired.

I think it’s time for bed.