When you use a medium like blogging to reveal yourself to the world, you really do put yourself out there.
Anyone can read it.
Anyone can comment on YOUR life.
Anyone can make their own assumptions and opinions on you and what you choose to write.
Then there’s the people who know you, that read your blog. Sometimes you don’t know who they are, or when they read, but they are always out there.
For a long time I have been cagey about my personal life on this and previous blogs. However, the longer a blog exists, the more comfortable I get with the audience and my own attitude to how or what I write.
What the hell am I talking about?
I’ll cut to the chase.
It’s all about a special person.
My beautiful girl.
She wrote a amazing post tonight and I wanted to respond to it.
Before I do, I just want to explain that I have had 2 relationships since I separated from my wife 2 years ago. I have learnt something from each relationship that I have been in, but mostly, I have learned a lot about myself from being who I am during these times. I don’t wish to downplay the influence these relationships had on my life by revealing another one, but I also don’t want to keep my feelings hidden, especially when they consume my thoughts like they have been.
Of course, anyone is free to judge me in any way they wish, and I am prepared for that and accept it (now). I think that I build up a lot of fear within myself about what people think of me or what the ramifications of my actions are. I don’t fear that any more…
Since meeting her, I have felt a warm happiness from within.
It’s also been a sense of relief that I have found someone that is on my level and is kind, caring, funny, intelligent and lovely all at the same time.
She makes me feel loved. She makes me feel special and I want her to feel even more special in return.
She accepts who I am completely. She does not judge, or want to change me. And with every day that passes I feel more and more comfortable that my idiosyncrasies will not scare her away.
She understands that my kids are so important to me, and encourages the time I get to spend with them. Even when it means I spend less time with her.
I feel ready to let myself out, and to let myself feel free, but I also know that I need to take it slowly. She understands that and we are both working at the same thing, because ultimately, we want the same thing.
Enough of being cryptic. I am happy. I am calm. I feel good. She is a big part of that.
I love this feeling, and I love her.