The traffic on Northbourne was hectic. Move 10 metres. Stop. Move 12 metres. Stop. I’m getting nervous and glancing at the clock. “Do I know what I’m talking about? Will they notice that I am really a 21 yr old in the skin of a 30 yr old? Will they tell how much I want this job?”
4 sets of traffic lights later I see the building and find a street parking spot nearby.
The tie had been installed at the 1st traffic light. The tightness around my neck doesn’t help my anxiety. But I catch a glance of myself in the mirrored building. Bald head. Blue Shirt. Matching Tie. It actually looks ok. (Shit. No Suit Jacket. Why did I forget that?).
3 Minutes before interview time. He answers the phone and sounds older than he appears as he exits the elevator. The cleaner had let me into the building. He says that I must have shown ‘initiative’ to get in. I told him she must have just liked my face. He said to stick with initiative.
He’s younger than me but I am getting used to that now. Once upon a time I was the youngest in the workplace. It’s funny how things change. He’s wearing a suit jacket and no tie. Spikey hair, hint of a pommy accent? The Lotus Notes expert wears an industry polo shit. Nice. I could handle wearing that to work. But I hate being a walking advertisement for the product that I work with.
The ‘expert’ is older (maybe 45?). He seems friendly enough and when we start chatting about replication, clustering and notes.ini’s I start to feel comfortable. I know my shit. Why am I worried?
I run through my experience. I find that taking the lead in such things makes it easier. Don’t wait for them to ask questions, just dive right in and tell them what you want THEM to hear. Spikey tells me that he is impressed and then the Expert starts to ask me technical questions. He asks me specific queries about what I would do if a client said this, or the server did that.
I start to babble, and squirm, and let me eyes wander.
Dammit. Just relax. Look them in the eyes. Look confident.
Yeah…look confidently stupid.
I fuck up on a question about SMTP Mail. What’s an MX record again? Shit. I explain the steps an email takes to exit a workplace and enter the wide internet world. Spikey writes it all down and nods. “Good. I wanted to know that”. Meanwhile, I am making the whole shit up cause I don’t do firewalls and gateways. That’s THE OTHER TEAMS problem.
Where’s the water? Why didn’t they offer my water? My tie feels very TIGHT.
I gesticulate with my hands as I show the path an email takes like there are little tunnels and pipes that it travels through.
Maybe my hands distract from my frantically processing brain.
I am still babbling and jibbering and stuttering and mumbling. Fuck, why do I do this. I admit that I have been out of the loop for a year or so and that these things aren’t at the top of my brain right now. He understands and tells me I should do my version 7 upgrade exam soon. Fair call.
The Expert looks suitably impressed and happy with what he has heard though. I mean, he’s the fucking expert, if I can make him happy I feel I have done my job.
Spikey is a little harder to impress. He says that they will be considering me for the Administrator role, not the Expert role. (FUCK) He also says that I went very well, but from my pauses (I paused? I thought I talked and yapped non-stop) he can tell that I need to get back into the work again.
I shouldn’t be upset, and truth be told, I’m not. I originally went for the Admin role anyway, and if they’re going to offer me what I think they’ll offer me, then I’ll take it Thank You very much.
But I am a little disappointed that I didn’t impress enough to get the Expert role. I guess it’s good to have something to aim for. Fuck it.