Cricket: 2nd Final Review. Get comfortable. Bring the tissues.

*WARNING – If you don’t like cricket, you may find this post pointless and boring, but stiff shit. I love the sport and I need to chronicle this game tonight*

It’s just crap.

Australia has been the best team all summer. We thrashed the Poms in the Ashes.


Bang. Bang. Bang. Bang.Bang. They’re ours.

We hit the one-dayers in purple form and the games rolled along:

Game 1: Poms – Australia win by 8 Wickets
Game 2: Kiwis – Australia win by 105 Runs
Game 3: Poms – Australia win by 4 Wickets
Game 4: Kiwis – Australia win by 2 Wickets
Game 5: Poms – Australia win by 9 Wickets
Game 6: Kiwis – Australia win by 8 Runs

Kicking arse!

Then we had a glitch. Somehow.

From out of nowhere, the Poms figured out that if they lost every game against Australia and then returned home, they would be pelted with mad cows at the airport.

They learnt how to play the game and beat us…

Game 7: Poms – Poms win by 92 Runs

We recovered in the last game to scrape past the Kiwis and put the pressure on them…

Game 8: Kiwis – Australia win by 5 Wickets

So, then the Finals were lined up with Australia to play the Poms (after they scraped past the Kiwis in the last game)

By this stage, Australia had played England in 9 matches with a 8 to 1 win ratio. Really, what can the Pitiful Poms do to make a Finals series out of it?

1st Final: Poms – Poms win by 4 Wickets

What the?? That’s not right. We’re not supposed to let the Poms win. Especially the First Final…

So C’mon Aussie. I know that Roy is out with his torn bicep, but we can’t embarrass otherselves by losing to the mother country AGAIN. (it’s not allowed in cricket circles)

The 2nd Final was all setup for the SCG today and I was eagerly looking forward to a nice Aussie demolition.

It started slowly. The Poms were 4 down for 112 after around 26 but I knew that Glenny was playing his last game in Sydney and he would lift.

And lift he did. 2-41 off 10 overs with an inspirational wicket off his last ball in One Day Cricket at the SCG. (he did the same thing with his last ball of Test Cricket at the SCG as well)

So the Poms collapsed, managed only 246 and things were looking good for an Aussie chase to reign that in quickly.

Not gonna happen. Haydos gets 5. Punter out for 7.

Then the rain comes.

Not now! We’re only 2 wickets down! We can win this.

It pelts down for about 15 minutes and then another 15 minutes of mopping up and they’re back on the ground.

First ball after the rain break, Gilly bowled. Shit! 2 Ducks (no runs) for Pup and Huss. What the Hell is going on here? It’s like watching a trainwreck. We’re not supposed to lose! Not here! Not today!

5-63. Shit Shit Shit. How the hell are you going to get out of this one?

Then more rain comes. Not just rain, but pelting, bucketing, cats and dogs rain. Could this be Australia’s savour? Could Mother nature be an Aussie?

They go off quickly. The covers go on. It’s pouring and Channel 9 switches the coverage to the 1st Final of 1984 between the West Indies and Australia.

They have not played 20 overs, so if it continued to rain for another couple of hours, there would be no result, and the finals would go to a third game at the Adelaide Oval.

Pleasepleaseplease. We need rain! We’re in a drought! It’s just the right thing for us!

The rain slows….stops. They Supersoak(tm) up the water and the players come back out. Fuck a duck!

Thanks to the mastery of the Duckworth Lewis system, there is a revised total. 211 runs from 33 overs.

(now if you think cricket is boring (you crazies), read about the Duckworth Lewis method for calculating shortened cricket matches here)

Watson, OUT for 37.

Hogg, OUT for 10.

It’s 7 for 132. We can’t do this, can we? 78 Runs off 48 Balls.

Not even rain can help us now. We need HITTING. 6’s! Tonking! They’re Poms! Let’s TONK THEM!

Hodge gets a SIX! That’s good!

Hodge gets CAUGHT for 29. That’s bad.

Maybe this is just setting up for a fairytale finish where Glenn McGrath hits 50 off 20 to win the game.

Maybe I’m just dreaming.

I am forever an optimist. Even at this point I am thinking that we can come back. I never leave a sporting event early. It doesn’t matter if my footy team is getting thrashed 68-0 (it happened) I won’t leave early and I support my team to the death.

Bing and Bracks are starting to tonk. This is good! A 6 here. A 4 there. That’s what we need!

See. I’m not so crazy! We could do this! 59 Runs. 38 Balls.

What? More rain? What the hell? Mother Nature!! I thought you were Dinky Di! We don’t want any more rain. We only need 10 runs an over! The farmers can wait! Bring on the Desalination Plant! We can just drink sewage! (aka Recycled Water)

The rain doesn’t stop. England win the Commonwealth Bank Trophy. A bit of an anti-climax in the end. We don’t get a chance to claw back the runs with our bowlers. There have been enough overs bowled. The Poms win by 34 Runs
It’s just not right. It’s just not cricket! It’s not supposed to happen like this!!

Bring on the Cricket World Cup. Bring on the footy season.

But Goodbye to Glenn McGrath. He will play in the World Cup, but he has played his last cricket match in Australia.

You will be missed.


About Mick

I've been around a while. I like to wrap myself around the warm security of the interwebs which have consumed me since 1993. I whinge, I rant, I crap on. Enjoy. View all posts by Mick

4 responses to “Cricket: 2nd Final Review. Get comfortable. Bring the tissues.

  • LaLa

    Hmm. So there you go, that is what the people not watching Fatties watch.

    Is this still the Ashes thing, I thought we won them?

    Cricket is without a doubt, one of the most confusing sports in the world.

  • Mick

    The Ashes are only related to Test Cricket (the 5 day match).

    One Dayers are a separate deal all together (The Commonwealth Bank Trophy this year)..

    You just need someone to explain it to you!

  • LaLa

    See? Confusing.

    Why do the same players play in all the games? Why not just have one BIG, long game? Oh. They do that already 😉

  • Mick

    They have different One Day Players and Test players actually! (only about 2 or 3 different)

    It’s a bit stupid if you ask me, but they seem to think that some of the players that play the long form of the game are not so good at the short form.

    But hey…I am not a selector.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: